Have you ever felt like everyone else knows what they’re doing, and you’re the only one barely keeping it together? Like people around you are confident or motivated, and somehow always in the right friend group? Here’s something most people won’t say out loud: almost everyone feels that way sometimes. They’re just better at hiding it. In this blog post, Edmonton-based therapist, Tehya Davey, discusses how social comparison can impact teen mental health and gives 5 action-based techniques to free yourself from the comparison trap, build self-compassion, and reconnect with your own sense of worth.
A lot of the time, it comes down to comparison. Especially with social media, it’s easy to believe everyone else is thriving. You see the good moments: the vacations, the smiling selfies, the wins — and it can start to feel like you’re the only one struggling. But social media is a highlight reel. People post what they want others to see. That doesn’t mean their life is perfect. It means they’re showing you the best version, not the full picture.
YOU'RE NOT ALONE
Often in therapy, teens will say that they feel like everyone else is doing better than they are. They feel anxious or unsure of themselves. Teens will say they feel broken or like they are failing. These feelings, though normal, can be totally overwhelming. Being honest about what’s hard takes a lot of courage. The truth is that the teenage years are often a time when you are finding yourself, and it's normal to feel like you're doing it wrong. You're not alone in feeling that way.
WHEN THAT FEELING TAKES OVER
When it feels like you’re constantly falling short, it can start to mess with your head. Maybe you start doubting yourself. This is where a normal thought and feeling can start to take over your life. Maybe you notice that you avoid things that used to be fun. Or maybe you feel anxious more than you’d like to admit. It’s okay to feel that way, but guess what? You don’t have to stay stuck there. Noticing what’s going on and being honest with yourself is a powerful first step. Therapy can be an excellent tool in working through these fears and anxieties. Talking to a trained mental health professional can help to retrain your brain and challenge unhelpful thoughts that keep you stuck. But there are things that you can do on your own as well.
It might feel like nothing will ever change, but sometimes its implementing a few simple things that can help make big shifts in mental wellness. Here are a few simple things that might help:
1. Limit Social Media
Even taking a short break can help clear your head. You get to decide what you take in. Social media can fuel social comparison. Remember that social media is a curated reality; you are seeing a tiny piece of someone’s best version of themselves and comparing it to your entire reality. Even a one-week break from social media has been studied to improve overall happiness levels.
2. Unfollow accounts that drain you
Try and notice how you feel as you are interacting with different profiles. If something makes you feel worse about yourself (even if it’s “fun” to scroll), it’s okay to let it go. Being aware of how each account impacts you can be important. If the accounts help keep you informed on a topic that you are passionate about its ok to create a separate account for them. You might want to stay informed, but be in control of when you are taking in the information.
3. Talk to someone
In our mind, thoughts can swirl around and get bigger and bigger. When we say them out loud to someone we trust has our back, we can gain a helpful perspective. It might be a parent, a friend, a teacher or a therapist. You don’t need to know exactly what to say. You could start with “I’ve been feeling off lately.” I know it’s hard to open up, but reaching out really does matter.
4. Practice self-kindness
Don’t worry—this isn’t about loving yourself every moment of the day. Instead, it’s about finding small ways to treat yourself with the same compassion you’d offer a friend. If you notice that you're speaking to yourself harshly, take a moment to pause and ask yourself, what would you say to a good friend in the same situation? Then try to apply the same thoughts to yourself. Self-kindness can help improve our sense of self-worth and make it easier for us to try new things.
5. Focus on your growth
Instead of comparing yourself to others, try asking: “Where was I a month ago? A year ago?” Even the tiniest progress counts. Take some time each night to reflect on what you did that day to improve your life. Noticing your efforts is a skill! It takes time and practice to notice your growth.
If you’re:
That’s not something you have to handle alone. Talking to a counsellor doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with you. It means you’re ready to feel more supported, and that’s something to be proud of!
You don’t need to have it all figured out right now. No one really does. What matters is that you keep showing up, keep caring, and keep giving yourself the chance to grow.
If you’re curious about what counselling could be like or just want someone to talk to who gets it our Edmonton-based, teen counselling team is here to help. To learn more about Tehya and the rest of the adolescent team, fill out the form below.
Meet our certified therapists, Adam, Tehya, Selena, Danielle, Shaheen and Linda. No matter what you want to work on, we have a therapist to help. Our Counsellors focus on helping you feel at ease by allowing you to feel heard and understood. By using a holistic, or whole picture approach, our trained Counsellors can help their patients live a happier, more authentic life. Our therapists offer adult counselling, partner counselling, family counselling, and adolescent/teen counselling. Interested in learning more? Need to book a session? Contact Us here.
Counselling doesn’t just have to be for those who have reached a crisis situation. If you want to live a happier life by discussing the issues that are causing you stress, anxiety, or fear, contact Holistic Healing today to book your free initial consultation.
Holistic Healing Counselling is a team of holistic, experienced, and dedicated mental health professionals in Edmonton, AB who aim to help you heal and grow. Using a holistic, or whole picture approach, our certified therapists can help their patients live a happier, more authentic life. We have a range of practitioners with unique backgrounds and experiences ready and available to help you with your therapeutic and wellness needs, with NO WAIT LIST. Don't just survive, thrive. Take the first step in your healing journey and get in touch with us to book your appointment today!
