As we discussed in our last blog post on Boundaries and Communication, being vulnerable, reflecting on our authentic needs, and opening ourselves up to what might happen as a result of setting boundaries can be difficult. This is especially true when it comes to our romantic relationships. Edmonton-based registered provisional psychologist, Selena Arcovio, explores navigating setting boundaries in intimate relationships. This is the fourth blog post in our series, All About Boundaries. Check out the first three posts here.
Selena works with people in monogamous or polyamorous relationships, while they navigate the ups and downs of romantic relationships. If you want to book an individual counselling or partner counselling session with Selena to explore your boundaries and communication in your relationships or if you're looking for someone to walk alongside you on your healing journey, you can book your counselling session online here.
Boundaries are the imaginary lines that separate us from other people in our lives. They separate our physical space, feelings, needs, and responsibilities from others. Many people find that the way they typically structure their boundaries (porous, rigid, or flexible) may change in an effort to please their partner(s) and/or to protect themselves from rejection. However as relationships mature and develop, compromising on boundaries can lead to problems if it means that one or more partners has unmet needs.
Many people find it hard to know where to start when it comes to conversations about their boundaries and needs in relationships. Let’s review some of the different types of boundaries in the context of intimate relationships. There are a few sample questions for each type that can help you begin reflecting on your needs and boundaries in your relationships.
Physical boundaries have to do with your body and personal space. Discussing your physical boundaries with your partner(s) can help you determine your comfort levels around touch, affection, personal space, and how you meet your basic needs.
These boundaries involve honoring each other’s feelings and energy. They involve acknowledging the difference between your own emotions and the emotions of your partner(s); being able to validate your partner(s) feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them.
When we mix money and romance, things can sometimes get complicated. However money is an inescapable part of our lives and it’s best to take a proactive approach to discussing your financial goals in intimate relationships. It is normal to have different values, habits, and rules around money compared to your partner(s). Having conversations around money upfront can help keep finances from becoming a perpetual issue in relationships.
Time is one of the most finite resources we have. Fostering healthy time boundaries is important in our relationships. This involves reflecting on our priorities and values and setting aside enough time during the day to do the things that truly matter to you. This also involves making sure you do not overcommit and have enough time to rest and recharge.
Healthy sexual boundaries involve consent, respect, and trust. They involve mutual understanding, mutual agreement, and respect of desires and limitations between partners. It can be helpful to approach conversations around sexual boundaries (like all types of boundaries) from a place of curiosity, conscientiousness, and compassion.
If you have found that you are unsure about your answers to some of these questions or you notice that you and your partner(s) may have different answers, it might be helpful to see an individual or couples counsellor. At Holistic Healing Counselling, our trained therapists can work with you to identify your unmet needs in romantic relationships and help you gain the skills and confidence to set boundaries within your romantic relationships. Our therapists can also help you navigate the fear of being vulnerable with your partner and help you process through any residual hurt from previous relationships that might be getting in the way of your current relationships. Reach out to one of our Edmonton-based registered therapists today and start your healing journey.
Meet our certified therapists, Adam, Selena, Danielle, and Shaheen. No matter what you want to work on, we have a therapist to help. Our Counsellors focus on helping you feel at ease by allowing you to feel heard and understood. By using a holistic, or whole picture approach, our trained Counsellors can help their patients live a happier, more authentic life. Our therapists offer adult counselling, couples counselling, and adolescent/teen counselling. Interested in learning more? Need to book a session? Contact Us here.
Counselling doesn’t just have to be for those who have reached a crisis situation. If you want to live a happier life by discussing the issues that are causing you stress, anxiety, or fear, contact Holistic Healing today to book your free initial consultation.