The topic of “Boundaries” has become quite popular these days. We often hear that we need to set better boundaries, however many of us feel unsure about what boundaries actually are and how to implement them in our relationships. Over the next few blog posts, Edmonton-based counsellor, Selena Arcovio, helps to unpack this buzzword to see what it actually means to be mindful of our boundaries and how we can intentionally use them to cultivate more rewarding relationships with ourselves and others. Having an in-depth understanding of boundaries and your personal barriers to creating healthy boundaries is an important part of counselling. If you want to learn more about yourself and boundaries, reach out to us today!
Boundaries are the imaginary lines that separate us from other people in our lives. They separate our physical space, feelings, needs, and responsibilities from others. Our boundaries outline how others can treat us, how we can treat ourselves, what is acceptable to us, and what we will not tolerate.
Boundaries help us:
Boundaries can be very firm, flexible, or barely existent and they can change over time, in different situations, and in different relationships. They can range from saying things to your partner like “I need 20 minutes to decompress after I get home from work before I can start dinner” to saying things to a coworker like “Please don’t come by my office today. I really enjoy chatting with you but I am so busy and I am behind on my projects.”
Boundaries with ourselves might include making sure we put our phones down at a decent time on work nights instead of scrolling on Instagram until 1 am. They can also look like being mindful of our negative self-talk and reflecting on the messages we internalize from others. We have all had an interaction with a person in our life that has left us guessing whether or not they are upset with us. Being mindful of our self-talk and setting boundaries with ourselves can help us quiet that little voice in our heads that has us taking responsibility for other people’s emotions or behaviours.
There are many different types of boundaries. Understanding the different types of boundaries can help us more clearly identify how to integrate helpful boundaries in our own life.
Here are some different types of boundaries that you might have in your life:
Boundaries are not just the “hard limits” in our lives but they also include the “maybes” or the “yeses with limits”. There are three main structures for boundaries – permeable, rigid, and flexible.
We often find ourselves on autopilot, going through the motions every day without realizing that the stress, frustration, and burnout we are experiencing are because our boundaries are being crossed. By bringing mindful awareness to these internal and relationship dynamics, we are able to switch out of autopilot mode and cultivate personal and relationship boundaries that reflect our needs, desires, and values.
Counselling work often includes working with clients on their boundaries. Edmonton-based therapists at Holistic Healing Counselling work with clients on boundaries by exploring the different types of boundaries their clients have and the structures of those boundaries. Our counsellors work with their clients to determine whether or not their boundaries move them towards their personal and relationship goals. They also work with clients on identifying rigid boundaries which might be reinforcing beliefs created as responses to traumatic experiences. Our trained therapist will help you to identify the best balance of boundaries for you to live an authentic and fulfilling life. Ready to work on it? Reach out to our masters-level trained therapists today and start your healing journey.
In the next blog post of this series, we will be discussing what boundary violations look like and how to be mindful of when our boundaries might be crossed.
Meet our certified therapists, Adam, Selena, Danielle, and Shaheen. No matter what you want to work on, we have a therapist to help. Our Counsellors focus on helping you feel at ease by allowing you to feel heard and understood. By using a holistic, or whole picture approach, our trained Counsellors can help their patients live a happier, more authentic life. Our therapists offer adult counselling, couples counselling, and adolescent/teen counselling. Interested in learning more? Need to book a session? Contact Us here.
Counselling doesn’t just have to be for those who have reached a crisis situation. If you want to live a happier life by discussing the issues that are causing you stress, anxiety, or fear, contact Holistic Healing today to book your free initial consultation.